It’s a long walk to Woodbridge
Cashier’s Corner:
Videodrome (1983)
This one was a trip! Not too far from our current reality, James Woods’ (Max) character works to find the edgiest content; gotta get those eyeballs watching! Next up, a video stream so out there, it will alter your brain. You won’t be sure what’s real and what’s not! Follow that up with some good old Cronenberg body horror effects and pretty soon you have a hand molding around a gun, a VHS tape being shoved into a gaping hole in a stomach, and a TV set pulsating this way and that. While not something you need to rush out and see, a tight 87 minutes might make it more appealing.
We Bury The Dead (2025)
Immaculate conception or something with this zombie Jesus tale; I didn’t see it taking that turn at the end, but I didn’t hate the surprise. Daisy Ridley (Eva) is determined to find her husband after a nuclear(?) bomb accidentally detonates off the coast of Tasmania. Well the dead just aren’t staying dead. This one seems caught between a couple of minds: part zombie flick 28 Days Later, part relationship drama. After a treacherous run-in with a soldier with a bit of space-madness (shout out to my man Mark Coles Smith from Beast of War), Eva finally finds her cheating-ass husband and sends him off pyre-boat style. Maybe it’s better he didn’t return from the dead, but also might have liked a bit of zombie closure the old fashioned way. She always wanted a baby and when god shuts a door he opens the birth canal of a zombie and out comes a bouncing baby boy. WWZJD?
Avatar: The Way of Water (2022), Avatar: Fire and Ash (2025)
There are long movies and then there are the Avatar movies. After watching all three in quick succession, my biggest takeaway is this: this franchise opted to have the sole human face without the emotional mask of CGI be Spider (Jack Champion)? Seriously? He’s the son of Quaritch (Stephen Lang), he has blonde dreadlocks and blue paint/tattoo(?) streaks covering his mostly-naked body, and is just a dumb goon in both of these movies. Were people complaining that there weren’t enough human faces to connect with in the first one? IDK, but his is not it for me. Sam Worthington’s schtick gets pretty exhausting by the end and Zoe Saldaña, who really carried the emotional toll of first movie is mostly playing one note for the next two movies. Instead they shift the narrative to following the Sully children, which is mostly kids plot, meaning a whole lot of listening to terrible, made-up accents (why??) and teens saying “shit“ and “broh” because teens. Also, one of the teens who is (spoiler alert) a clone(!) of Sigourney Weaver’s avatar from the first movie, is voiced by Sigourney Weaver, which just makes for some real dissonance. The movies are mostly fine to look at, aside from when Spider shows his dumb face, which is like 80% of the time. They get pretty long when you realize the plot is mostly recycled from #1 to #2 to #3, give or take a few elements. Anyway, broh, we didn’t see either of the two big bads actually die so you can probably guarantee some sort of 4th installment/ direct-to-Netflix-animated(lol) series.
Recently Consumed:
Kate (2021) - It had some rad moments
? - Videodrome (1983) - “Death to Videodrome. Long live the new flesh.”
! - We Bury The Dead (2025) - The teeth grinding sound [sHuDdeR]
! - Send Help (2026) - Loved BoarVision(TM). Better execution than MuzzleVizion(TM), imo
Avatar: The Way of Water (2022) - Spider, broh, yikes
Avatar: Fire and Ash (2025) - Even more Spider!
Greenland 2: Migration (2025) - I never felt like they weren’t going to make it?
! - Marty Supreme (2025) - Do we think he’s really a vampire? But maybe??
! - Arco (2025) - Was anyone feeding the baby???
! - Project Hail Mary (2026) - Have you seen The Martian?? But add Sandra Hüller
[! - worth your time]
[? - maybe worth your time?]
[x - stay away it’s rotten]
In the Cart:
Barbarian (2022) - Double booked rental with a stranger. No thanks
Carry-On (2024) - PG-13 and buried on Netlflix is a recipe for a winner
Nobody 2 (2025) - Because what we need is more of this story
